December 2011
Can I use “Roomba” as a verb as in “I Roomba’d the floor?” Even though ‘I’ didn’t really do anything?
Halfway through the 2nd shrimp wrap is when I realized the mayo expired in Sept. I used it over sour cream because it expired last week.
Nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes… and it’s just a matter of time before I brush his teeth with Desitin.
When the Stork brings babies, he (or she) should also leave a few Shamwows.
The backhoe driver in the DC airport parkinglot has a WAY more comfortable seat in his cockpit… and he has a Slurpee!
If I kicked Alec Baldwin off my flight and he mocked me on SNL, I’d try and get on this Sat to mock him. Think Lorne would go for it?
He sells his Kindle to upgrade her cell phone plan. She sells her Iphone to buy him an Ebook of O’Henry short stories.
Two tall man curses. Seeing the tops of peoples fridges and over airport bathroom stall doors. Both are messy.
Oh brother. TopGun sequel? I hope it’s about UAV’s and they leave Tom Cruise at home. Now, a Firebirds sequel is one I can get behind!
Always exciting when you find a handful of screws in the cupholder of the plane you are about to fly.
In uniform at train station Dunkin’ Donuts. “You work here?” I answer yep and get a quarter off! Another airline pilot perk!
I’ve got my morning routine down to 15 minutes. Alarm at 345am… Out the door at 4. I should have been a ghostbuster.
Second best reason to have a child. Endless little spoons to stir your Baileys and coffee. First? Access to Hotwheel Cars!
“I’m Congresswoman …, its an emergency, I must get on that plane!” I saw her realize her watch was an hour off. Dca-Lga. Hourly shuttle.