January 2012
It is possible to put the diaper on while they lay on their belly. I just hope the back is as absorbant as the front.
Jan 26th
In the event the airline thing doesn’t work out… plan B is to start gobbling LSD and write childrens tv shows.
Jan 26th
My hotel had no hot water… felt like Little House on the Prairie.
Jan 25th
John Boehner practices for the SOTU address by fighting back smiles while getting tickled.
Jan 25th
I am way more dissapointed than the two year old is that we have no batteries for his new train set. He has enough steam to push it around.
Jan 21st
An older B47 pilot comes up and tells us about practicing to drop “the bomb” in the 50s. Deflated our egos about the crosswind landing.
Jan 18th
How long before Sully accuses the cruise Captain of being an inexperienced regional pilot?
Jan 18th
The cruise ship captain is to be charged with “abandoning ship.” Good to know that crime exists. http://ping.fm/7plQH
Jan 16th
In Pittsburg for the weekend. Note to self. Dont mention that Tebow guy or anything written in the bible about football.
Jan 14th
When its cold, snowy and dark in PWM… the vehicle doors into the baggage room look the entry points into the Rebel Base on Hoth.
Jan 12th
Growing up, I thought there was a time when life was in black and white. I wonder if my son will think I grew up in an 8 bit world?
Jan 11th
And all this time, I thought this Tebow guy played for New Orleans? I think I associated all the religious references with the Saints.
Jan 9th
With a two year old around, I may need to call Kareem Abdul Jabar and borrow his court glasses.
Jan 7th
The two year old sqeezed the life out of every single stray pea on his plate like it was a sheet of bubble wrap.
Jan 6th
Nothing grinds a TSA line to a halt like an elderly Korean man traveling with an urn of his wife’s ashes.
Jan 5th
What drinks are served at a “Rock Your Caucus” party?
Jan 3rd
2500 miles by car in 10 days with a 2yr old. Mission Accomplished.
Jan 1st
December 2011
Can I use “Roomba” as a verb as in “I Roomba’d the floor?” Even though ‘I’ didn’t really do anything?
Dec 21st
Halfway through the 2nd shrimp wrap is when I realized the mayo expired in Sept. I used it over sour cream because it expired last week.
Dec 20th
Nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes… and it’s just a matter of time before I brush his teeth with Desitin.
Dec 16th
When the Stork brings babies, he (or she) should also leave a few Shamwows.
Dec 14th
The backhoe driver in the DC airport parkinglot has a WAY more comfortable seat in his cockpit… and he has a Slurpee!
Dec 13th
If I kicked Alec Baldwin off my flight and he mocked me on SNL, I’d try and get on this Sat to mock him. Think Lorne would go for it?
Dec 12th
He sells his Kindle to upgrade her cell phone plan. She sells her Iphone to buy him an Ebook of O’Henry short stories.
Dec 11th
Two tall man curses. Seeing the tops of peoples fridges and over airport bathroom stall doors. Both are messy.
Dec 10th
Oh brother. TopGun sequel? I hope it’s about UAV’s and they leave Tom Cruise at home. Now, a Firebirds sequel is one I can get behind!
Dec 10th
Always exciting when you find a handful of screws in the cupholder of the plane you are about to fly.
Dec 10th
In uniform at train station Dunkin’ Donuts. “You work here?” I answer yep and get a quarter off! Another airline pilot perk!
Dec 9th
I’ve got my morning routine down to 15 minutes. Alarm at 345am… Out the door at 4. I should have been a ghostbuster.
Dec 5th
Second best reason to have a child. Endless little spoons to stir your Baileys and coffee. First? Access to Hotwheel Cars!
Dec 3rd
“I’m Congresswoman …, its an emergency, I must get on that plane!” I saw her realize her watch was an hour off. Dca-Lga. Hourly shuttle.
Dec 2nd
November 2011
Delayed and landing after midnight last night reminds me my body would reject overnight cargo flying.
Nov 30th
PanAm was cancelled because the executives thought the pilots were making too much money.
Nov 29th
American Airlines files Chapter 11… I’ve seen this movie before.
Nov 29th
After a few long days at work, I love coming home and spending the day in a 2yr olds world… an excuse to stay inside and play with blocks!
Nov 23rd
Watching “Cars” with a 2yr old is like watching “Up in Smoke” in college. I’ve seen the first 20 minutes a dozen times.
Nov 19th
“I saw, I heard, I smelled.” My war cry after a victorious battle with rats. Now, what covers the stench of death?
Nov 17th
When a little boy is eating raisins while you change his diaper… be mindful of what he puts in his mouth.
Nov 15th
A passenger asked if that “was a normal approach because that was terrifying!” I had something funny to say but I just smiled and nodded.
Nov 15th
“I myself dabbled in pacifism once, not in Call of Duty of course”
Nov 9th
The further into the Steve Jobs biography I get the further down the list of future adoptee role models he moves. And up moves Clark Kent.
Nov 7th
Back in the day… What was the number you’d call to get the time and temperature? Something 1212. I miss that lady.
Nov 6th
After decades of wondering, I think I have finally found Airwolf’s hangar.
Nov 6th
I woke up and googled “what f’in time is it?”, “what f’in day is it?” And through in “where the f am I?”
Nov 6th
I can’t speak for the rest of Austin… but the airport isn’t all that weird.
Nov 4th
Having a cute little boy in a stroller does not give you permission to interrupt “mommy and me morning mall aerobics.” Noted.
Nov 3rd
New way to brush a toddlers teeth. Hold toothbrush to mouth and let him thrash until clean… rinse, repeat.
Nov 3rd
October 2011
Off to fly the Sim. Hope to get a high score since I’ve got my tickets saved up from last time. I may win enough to get the Chinese Yo-Yo!
Oct 30th
If a child is to know 100 words by 2 years old… do 100 variations of “NO” count?
Oct 27th
Mother Earth is unfurling her autumnal blanket down over the eastcoast stopping around NC… her tobacco scented midsection.
Oct 24th